Forgiveness - My firsthand experience with letting go
““You know what my children look like. I’ll never know that.””
Forgiveness. Richard Moore was a 10 year old boy living in Derry when he was shot between the eyes by a British soldier in 1972, blinded for life. He never was able to see his parents again, he’ll never know what his wife and children look like. Still, he says, “Despite all of that, I never had a moments anger, or a moments hatred.”
In 2005, 30 years after being shot and his life forever altered, Richard sat down with the man who shot him, and told him he forgave him. Richard never got an apology, but still managed to forgive his shooter, even from the start.
How is forgiveness like that possible? Is letting go the answer? How can I forgive my alcoholic and abusive father? How do I forgive a friend who talks behind my back? How do I forgive a housemate who for the 3837th time hasn’t washed up their dishes?
Short answer: I don’t know. For me, the hardest person to forgive has been my dad. He had been an alcoholic my whole life. Neglecting my little brother and I, absent, and an embarrassment when he was around since he was always drunk. Then, suddenly, I turned 17 and he got sober. I was thankful, but confused. He’d finally done what I always wanted him to do— get sober— but how was I supposed to magically forgive him from years of anger and hurt? He sure didn’t take my eyesight, but he took a lot of my childhood. Unlike Richard Moore, I had years of anger and moments upon moments of built up hatred.
Here’s what I do know: I eventually was able to forgive my Dad in the same way Richard was able to forgive Charles, the man who shot him. It may have taken years, and the relationship may still be working on mending-- but forgiveness was possible. I am not so sure I’ve got a magic formula for you, but I do know where the source to muster the strength to forgive came from. Letting go isn’t something I could do on my own. It came from seeing true forgiveness for myself, when I learned who Jesus was.
Maybe you know who Jesus is-- He came from Heaven to earth so that anyone who believes in him can have (forgiveness and??) eternal life. If you haven’t heard that before, that’s basically the basis of the Christian faith. Christians, me included, believe that Jesus has forgiven us for all wrong we have done, forever and always. You may ask how does he have the authority to do this? Well, basically he lived a perfect life and is fully man and fully God all at once. That’s how. I’m not going to go too far into that right now, but it is pretty crazy.
Anyway, Jesus literally came from Heaven to earth, lived a perfect life-- never lied, never lusted, never got drunk, never forgot to wash up after dinner (or not do them out of spite for his roomie)-- we’re talking absolute perfection. Then, he was on trial with another criminal (actual criminal, not a perfect, divine being) and the guy in charge at the time let the criminal free and decided to put Jesus to death just because that’s what the people wanted.
So a bunch of Roman soldiers (along with mobs of people) hang Jesus on a cross and torture him for hours. Jesus is completely undeserving of such treatment. He has done nothing wrong, ever. If anything, he improved the lives of those He was around. He met people’s needs, he healed people who were terminally ill and crippled, he was an ideal friend. Yet with one of his dying breaths, nails in his hands, blood spilling out-- he says
“Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do.”
- Luke 23:34
He asks for forgiveness for the soldiers who then brutally murdered him. Sound familiar?
Hear me out-- I’m not saying Richard Moore and Jesus were on the same level. But we can clearly see that the forgiveness was given without any conditions, much like Jesus gave forgiveness without it being earned. And it wasn’t just about letting go. It doesn’t make sense that Richard should forgive the soldier who blinded him. It doesn’t make sense that Jesus could forgive the soldiers who blinded him. But. He does. They do.
I’m not going to go all positive on you and say: “So you can too!! Forgive everyone who wrongs you! You can do it!” What I think I want you to hear and know, is that a radical forgiveness is possible. A forgiveness that doesn’t make sense. A love that doesn’t make sense. And that is ALL because of what Jesus did. When Jesus forgave, He didn’t just forgive the soldiers who murdered Him. He forgave you. He forgave me too. Jesus gives that forgiveness freely to anyone- no matter who they are or what small or huge thing they’ve done wrong. The forgiveness comes at a small cost to us-- to simply believe it is true.
When I chose to believe that this was true, it made it easier for me to offer forgiveness to the man who has hurt me most, my father. It also makes it easier to forgive the friends who hurt me, whether they intend to or not. Understanding that Jesus’ forgiveness stretched farther than what is rational, and that it extends to me, even when I still do the wrong things (often!) allows us to also forgive, because we see that although it doesn’t always feel fair, it brings freedom. Jesus’ forgiveness allows a blind man to forgive his shooter, allows me to forgive an alcoholic father, and I might guess that Jesus’ forgiveness could allow you to forgive too.